Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left