Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
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I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.