k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.