I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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