I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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