I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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