it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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