you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
