so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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