Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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