i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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