when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
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I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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