u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize