I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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