I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
