plz talk dirty to me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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