Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
pray to the hookup gods
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
