$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
