We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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