i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
from now on my penis is your penis
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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