This is not my ceiling
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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