I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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