have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
