shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
