i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
