dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
