2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
