He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
