dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
