I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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