what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
