I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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