I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
