Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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