Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
