Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
