They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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