Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
