chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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