Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
