You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So squirting runs in the family.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
