I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
