...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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