All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just invented taco cereal.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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