Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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