The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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