im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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