the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
