My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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