Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
