Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
