I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
