Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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