the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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