...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
