Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I could fuck to npr.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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