The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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