I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize