the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
