I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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