we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
