Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
