Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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