Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
