It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
